Laura, Where have you been?!

Hey guys,

Okay so i thought it was about time I let you guys know why i haven't posted for ages and why i haven't replied to any comments and why i've generally been a failure at the youtube thing over the past few weeks!
(quick disclaimer, i'm not wanting any sympathy and its not reaally an excuse but just so you all know i didnt plan on not posting!)

So its kind of a long story which i've been avoiding telling, and i didnt want to do a video because its kind of a touchy subject, but basically, my mum is an alcoholic and before everyone judges... she's an amazing mum and i love her to bits, she's always managed to keep the house running despite being depressed and trying to hide her drinking problem.
  I can't remember exactly the age when i first noticed my mum drinking more than other parents, my dad say's she's always enjoyed a drink, but i think it was when i was about 9-10 .. we moved to australia (always my dads dream) and my mum half wanted to go because her sister (my auntie) lives there.. but we also have a lot of close family here in the UK and she was obviously going to miss them, especially her mum. Despite all this she still said to my dad that she wanted to go because she knew it would make him so happy, because she's an amazing woman! She began to drink a lot over there because she was lonely and her sister put a lot of pressure on her about a lot of things (which i wont go into because there not important) (:
  In the end my mum and dad had had enough of the rowing and being lonely and living near my auntie and a few other reasons, so they decided it would be best for everyone if we came back to the UK.
   Of course anyone who has an addiction or knows someone who has an addiction would know that once it starts its really hard to give up. Well when we came back we had money troubles, ( i know i was only 10 at the time but i knew a lot more than i probably should have ha!) and so that made my mum and dad more stressed, yet they continued to be brilliant parents and at the time we all thought everything was sorted, we rent now but we have a perfectly nice house and we were all happy.
   So thats the background for how it started, but ever since we've been back from australia my mum has been struggling with her addiction, hiding it well might i admit, and this made her more and more depressed (again this was hidden very well!). As my dads self employed he has to invoice people and sort out tax and checks and all that stuff, well my mums always done it for him because she seems to get it more than he does, and she likes to make everyones life easy in our house (:    but the depression was meaning that she wasn't doing everything right and then bills weren't being paid because my mum was struggling and things got out of control, all the time she couldnt tell anyone because she wanted everyone to be happy and have an easy life and she said she didnt want anyone to be burdend with her problems which was really sad.
     Anyways the long and short of it, we got in a lot of debt and nearly lost our house because of it, i had noticed my mum had been drinking a hell of a lot more.. (i seemed to be the only one who had noticed anything was wrong) because i used to argue with my mum about it as it upset me a lot, and then try and tell my dad and my grandma (her mum) but everyone seemed to be in denial which didnt help!
    One evening me and my older brother ( i lie he's the only other person who really knew) were talking about being worried about debt and stuff.. so we looked through her bag (awful i know buuut let me explain) and found loads of debt letters and about us nealry loosing our house, so at about 1:00 am we ran to my grandma's with definate proof that we needed to get my mum help and we thought finally things would start to get better, Wrong, my mum and my grandma had a chat the next day it was emotional and my mum promised to get help but a few weeks past and nothing, great back to worrying again everyday.
     By this point my mum was really ill, she couldnt eat, she barely slept, she was sick everyday (again hid this well) because she wanted everyone to be happy still.. but i could see she was really ill.. she was so skinny by this point.. she looked about 60 or 70 and she's only 42 :(
     In the end my dad stumbled across some of the debt letters and there was a massive row they nearly split up my mum ran away for a night beacause she was ashamed.. in the end they both came to there senses and decided as long as we have enough money to keep a roof over everyones heads and for food it didnt matter, we all just wanted my mum to get better!
    The only problem was they had a pre paid holiday because my dad paid for it not knowing we were kind of poor ha.. i convinced them it would be good for themto get away and have space to talk things through.. so they did.. well my mum was so ill on holiday they both thought she was dying.. apparently it was awful.. but this was the realisation.. my dad started going to the doctors with her so she couldnt lie about what they'd said.. she's been going for loads of tests.. and i've been having to take trips to the hospital with her because they have to do checkups on her liver because they said it was literally just about to pack up.. meaning she was very very close to being almost not here anymore..
   Amazingly she jsut stopped drinking, i think it was the shock.. but she did and started to get a lot better.. but the hospital have made her wait a few weeks for another check up.. aand the snow meant she couldnt make her appointment last week so she's had to wait again.. and now i know she's started drinking again.. and i love my mum so much i'm just worried about her.. so i've been spending all my time with her trying to keep her busy so that she doesnt think about it so much.. and i've been helping my younger brother with school bits because i'm trying to make it a bit easier for her.. and when she has he bad days i try and do everything for her.. so basically.. i've been helping out my mum and family.. and then i got behind on college work.. so i've been trying to catch up on that.. so i've been so tired that making a video sort of just hasn't happend

Just one last note, if you read all that.. thankyou so much i really appreciate it, and if any of you live with or have any family members who have anyy addictions.. or are depressed.. or you have any gay family members please dont hesitate to talk to me i'll be quite happy to help.. or just be a shoulder to cry on because trust me i've seen all of these first hand (i have a brother who struggled with his sexually all through his teenage years which was awful, an uncle who tried to commit suicide, a cousin who was very addicted to cocaine.. and probably most other things) i DEFINATELY DO NOT want sympathy i just wanted to get it off my chest but wasn't up for making a video! i do have some pre recorded and i am going to start again but just so you all know.. if i suddenly dissapear it will generally be because of this reason, i hope you had a good read, it means a lot if you did! and i will get back to normal asap, and lets just hope my amazing mum is still here in many years to come!

One last thing to add to my ramble.. thankyou all so much for still sticking by me when i suddenly dissapear for no reason i am so sorry!

Love you all!
Laura xo